I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
