I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
