he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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