ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
