He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
