IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Randomize
