i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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