Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
