Umm I'm too high to move.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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