I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
