I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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