Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
