even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
