he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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