dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
