I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
