Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
