I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
