he told me I talked like a deaf person
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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