he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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