you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
