I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
