I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
