I'm going to jail i love you
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
