i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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