I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
