"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
