remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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