God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
