4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
