Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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