No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
