He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
