his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
