i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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