Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he thought i was a dude.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I wear drunk well.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
