Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
