I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
