my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
