I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
