my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
