You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
