she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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