Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
