omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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