Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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