I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
