She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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