i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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