road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
