Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
