I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
