tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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