smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
