I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Randomize
