ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
