My sheets look like a crime scene.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
The air taste purple.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
